Spicing things up!

Question- Is it wrong for a married couple to enjoy lingerie, or other things that “spice up” the bedroom?

Our Response- This doesn’t have a straight across the board answer. It really boils down to the couple. Lingerie, alternate positions, and things used to enhance or mix up sexual pleasure can add some excitement, anticipation, and fun to your sex life. Remember that it is a MYTH that your sex life inside your marriage has to become boring! You can spice things up!

Husbands and wives should be communicating continually about their sex life. A wife should know what pleases her husband and likewise a husband should know what pleases his wife. Sometimes it is hard for a couple to come right out and talk about their sex life. If that’s the case you can break the ice by writing notes. Not only will this make it easier to start the conversation but a lot of times it can also start a great night of sex.

The reality is that the Bible doesn’t forbid “spicing things up” as long as the excitement is limited to a husband with his wife. Hebrews 13:4 tells us that the marriage bed should be kept pure, in reference to adultery and sexual immorality. It seems that the only boundaries listed in scripture are that the only two people that should be involved in the excitement are a husband and his wife. This would imply that pornography does not have a place in a marriage, even if it agreed upon between a couple. Neither do things like voyeurism, or public displays of sexuality. Remember that Proverbs 5:16-17 says that the beauty of our sexuality should not be shared with anyone other than our spouse. Beyond that, whatever is mutually agreed upon by a couple and intensifies the intimacy level of a marriage seems to be ok with God.

Lets take the example of lingerie. Some might say, “It’s wrong to make your wife dress up in lingerie…you should love her the way she is!”

In a healthy marriage, it is understandable that a woman would want to look sexy for her husband. For many man, lingerie is definitely one way to do that. Everyone may not share that opinion, and that’s ok. If you don’t think your wife should dress up in lingerie and she doesn’t want to dress up in lingerie than that is fine. However if the husband wants his wife to dress up and the wife is resistant to it than it is probably a great opportunity to sit down and really talk about the underlying issue. This is a very important time for the husband to listen to his wife’s concerns and then relate to her with his patience, love, and understanding.

But to those couples who are in agreement about this…have fun with it! Husbands give your wife some money and let her go shopping at Victoria’s Secret! Remember, the most important thing is that intimacy is being encouraged. Love is about giving, lust is about taking!